Served

I don't want to seem self absorbed (which I very well might be) hence I mostly write under the label fiction. Or fiction?

I feel I have not earned the right to harp on bigger issues. Am I in perfect control over all the things/people/situations around me? Hypothetically, even if for a moment I assume that I were, have I actually done anything almost as big as the words to earn the right to broach on a topic of importance? I can argue I write here and that is all I can do here.

But for those who are old like me, and have seen the world before facebook, anna hazare, a bitten apple logo, touch screens and the like... well.. will just forget the train of thought at the end of a long sentence.

Oh yes. I came here wanting to talk about Ahimsa. Something which I practice. In real life. With great elan, off and on whenever someone troubles me.

Works most of the time. With most people. Because eventually they get fed up, lose interest in your non reactions and move on. They forget you exist.

That is when Ahimsa works. They think they won. You in the mean time strengthen your fort with people and the likes so that they are too far away from your mind. They lose importance and stop affecting you. If they keep at it, you can always run away. Because that is always way better than waiting for golden opportunities to get back and get into mud slinging with a malicious creature that keeps reacting with a non- reactor. Yeah. I can see some of you nodding your head in agreement.

However, I had never tried this, outside work or outside my parents circle of relatives. In other words I used the funda with those that I have limited interactions with.

I did try it, this one time, with someone outside the above mentioned groups. Someone with whom I enjoyed interacting with.

Strike One.

Not my fault. Strike One. However, I decided to overlook. Turn the other cheek.

Nothing happens for a while.

And then when I least expected it. Strike two.

Now the Gandhian principle has a serious flaw. He asks us to turn the other cheek. But when you are passionate about some of the things involved and there are things you would lose in the bargain, what the hell are you supposed to do after you get struck on the other cheek as well?

I chose to keep quiet. Wait for my mind to clear. My usual funda. But in this case I was outside the circle. So I kept getting angrier and was feeling more and more hurt and confused with each passing day. That in turn causes the senses to heighten and you see mini strikes in everything. The mind. Your mind. Is slowly turning against you. Also. Poor me feelings are never good. They affect your words. Make you self absorbed. Reflect in everything you do. Or say. Or like this post; type.

And then, of course. This time, I had asked for it. And so. Quite predictably. It came. Strike Three.

"I am done in for sure now" I told myself.

I cannot strike this striker back. I tried. Turns out I can never out do.

Maybe because I never was much of a striker to begin with. I am a defender. Maybe because this was a friend. Friends I never strike. They have never struck me either.

On the good side, I now know were all to apply the principle of Ahimsa successfully. In this case I should have run away/stayed away after Strike One. And minimized loses. In this case I feel it is one of those events that has changed me. I may have crossed over. I need to very quickly cultivate a kind spirit... just in case. I don't wish to be bad you see. I just want to have my space. To exist.

This now looks like one of those posts that will not make sense to me when I see it tomorrow and I will end up deleting.