Yellow Diamonds In The Light

Some five months back, I had lunch with her. She told me a little bit about her life. She is younger than me.


"So then are you divorced or just separated?" I ask staring at her incredulously.

"He got the marriage registrar? Does not matter. Photos and videos are proof of a marriage along with people who attend I have heard." I said, my brain working very fast.

She had torn up the snaps. He had told her his parent's never agreed. Now his parent's said they never knew. Did not accept the alliance.

She reached across the table for my hand. Strangely enough it seemed it was her that was pacifying me. "I don't have time" she said. "I don't have family support or the time. To run from pillar to post. I needed to start working. Immediately. And my baby takes up the rest of my energy."

"I would have never let go that easily" I breathe out in rage.


Five months later, yesterday, someone asks me if I knew something. I had wished..no..make that sms'd her. On Diwali. She had wished me back. So. No. I did not know. I did know that she had moved into her mother's place some time back. And that had not been working out very well. Apparently even in our country, with its joint family values, there are parent's who tell their daughter to move out within a certain time frame. Out on the street. Anywhere.

I wish she would pick up her phone. But then again. I will give a lot of solutions. And she will tell me that its alright. She is leaving the city to move in with a girl friend and start afresh in a new place. Maybe that is not such a bad thing after all.

"I could never have done it." I had wanted to tell her that day, over the steaming coffee. "Kept the baby when the man had walked out upon hearing about the child."

"Why?" I had asked myself later.

"Quality of life of the child" I tell myself. That bit is true. But also because going to work is my saving grace right now. And I have touch wood; no real problems in life. Also I don't think I can be that responsible. Alone. For another little fledgling life. I don't think I am that strong. I would get angry. At the betrayal. And would want to move on. Besides being a huge commitment freak helps. Helps. In a big way. Doesn't get you into the muddle in the first place...





 I leave you with this song